if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
