You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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