Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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