Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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