omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
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We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize