That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
