he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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