I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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