I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
