If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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