You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Vodka?
Forever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
