kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
