dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize