every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's official drugs can't kill me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
