I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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