And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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