Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
