We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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