you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
