i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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