fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
