just survived the first fart of the relationship.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
