They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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