no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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