I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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