you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
