God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
