Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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