3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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