I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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