I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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