i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
