it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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