i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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