I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
