A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
