The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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