Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
