The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
