I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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