I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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