Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
