Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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