Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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