Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
