My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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