I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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