i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
