he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
