I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
