He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
