I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i've created a new STD.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
