you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
