we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
