ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
