So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize