I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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